Marriages are made in heaven but lived on earth

Marriage, as commonly phrased in India, is a laddoo (sweetdish); something which you cannot survive, whether you skip it or eat it.

Shadi ka laddoo, jo khaaye who bhi pachhtaaye
Aur jo na khaye, woh bhi pachhtaaye

While spoken lightly, this saying has some truth in it, for sure. Marriage is one of the most charming events of one’s life. When we are young, we all look forward to it. Marriage sets so many things right, so many things easy and so many other things reachable.

Marriages are made in heaven, this cannot be hold untrue but marriages are lived on the earth, this is a more visible truth. A few enjoy it and many others just survive through it. No wonder, there are so many jokes around marriage.

Marriages, howsoever beautiful may appear from far, needs a lot of adjustment on the part of marriage partners and so it goes through many ups and downs. Many marriages do not survive this roller-coaster and falls off. Not that they are bound to fall but they did not get help.

Marriage counseling

Marriage counseling, also commonly known as family therapy or couple therapy is the anchor which can hold many struggling marriages and help them get through the stormy nights. There are so many reasons which breaks the marriage but marriage counselors work with the marriage partners to evaluate the reasons to stick together. Dwindling marriages often affect several third parties, of which, the most vulnerable victims are children.

Role of a marriage counselor

Marriage counselors help families to pinpoint the underlying issues and then help the couples to reconcile their differences, overcome the underlying issues, resolve conflicts mutually and restore love in the relationship at best and sustain the marriage at the worst. Marriage counseling helps couple to learn anticipating potential issues which may affect their marriage eventually. If marriage counselor is approached in the initial states of the deterioration of marriage relationship, they empower marriage-partners to have clear insight of forthcoming disaster, identify the contributing factors and make a reasonable effort to resolve the conflict and save their marriage.

Reasons why marriage fall apart

A marriage can reach to a point of separation due to many underlying issues like:

  1. Infidelity issues and extra-marital affair
  2. Sexual dissatisfaction & inability
  3. Communication gap
  4. Conflicts on difference of opinion on child rearing
  5. Interference of relatives or in-laws
  6. Financial issues and poverty
  7. Alcoholic or other addictions
  8. Domestic violence etc

At times, these problems continue to grow unabated and the desire to separate also simmer underneath. Usually females are victims but this is not a black-and-white principle. Researches show that there are reasons to believe that many marriages are broken due to females. Male partner may blame female for infidelity and female partner may blame her male partner for domestic violence or verbal/physical abuse. No one can see his or her own mistake and involved parties can rarely see the underlying issues objectively.

Help offered by marriage counseling

A third party is required to look into the situation objectively and advice impartially with the only objective of saving the marriage. Marriage counselors play a vital role in such cases, being the non-interested and impartial party, in identifying the factors causing the upheaval in the marriage and suggest a rationale approach to save the marriage rather than choosing the way of separation.

Marriage counseling gives opportunity to individual partner to initiate the effort of saving the marriage. Marriage counselor then brings the couple together for joint therapy sessions. It is not easy for males to share their personal problems with anybody. It is embedded in the male psychology and they seek professional help only when they see it as a last resort. Role of female partner is very important in initiating family therapy. It is difficult for females also to share the intimate details of the family with an outsider as it appears that there is no guarantee that such sharing will solve the problem.

Initial sessions may pass without substantial talking or even with silence and there may be outburst of emotions alike. However, marriage counselor helps in breaking the ice, cooling down the boiling hormones and then deal with the situation more objectively, after having played a role of referee and fire-fighter initially. This makes the role of marriage counselor more pivotal in saving the breaking marriages.

Usually, marriage counselor or therapy teams include psychiatry experts and licensed therapist. Having only one expertise, however, may sometimes limit the sessions to psychological advice.  Having experts from spiritual domain can help the fighting parties an opportunity of inner healing and legal experts can caution the couple of the legal consequences. A balanced team is expected to bring more fruitful results by deploying scientific empirical system to listen and advice, spiritual exercise for inner healing and forgiveness and legal consultation for understanding implications and thereby taking a informed decision.

Marriage counselors cannot deploy a set formulae on all marriages as all marriages are different and all people are unique. Therefore, marriage counselors use their experience to define daily, weekly or monthly actions to bring a lasting result. It is clear that a marriage counselors work cannot be finished in one or two sessions but the therapy may go on for weeks and months to get satisfactory result.

Importance of legal expert in marriage counseling

At times, the marriage cannot be saved because the domestic violence and abuse is of criminal nature. Saving life becomes more important than saving a marriage. Here, the legal role of the marriage counselor becomes pivotal and legal separation or divorce remains the only solution left for the parties. Knowledge of right laws, involvement of lawyer and practicing advocate helps the victim party to take the legal course in the best interest of its safety in consideration. Family lawyer can help you get a legal remedy in your situation in a family court.

Contact SHADIBACHAO to save your marriage or ask any questions you may have.

Note: This articles is not a substitute of the legal advice and therefore these articles must be read only as guide and not a legal consultation. These are only general idea about marriage counseling and does not guarantee a solution to your unique situation. Consult a marriage counselor for family therapy and a lawyer/advocate for proper legal remedy, as needed.